My Life. My Choice.

I did not want to do this. I never wanted to use my own platform for this. But I feel the need to because apparently the United States is on fire, and I really don’t understand why. Why did we decided to light it on fire ourselves? What was the point of any of this?

If this happened a year ago, I might not be alive. And that scares me. I needed to take some time to unpack this and a place to vent my anger so, against my own wishes, let me talk about the disastrous decisions that was just made by the Supreme Court.

If you’re curious why you should care, please at least read my story. If you agree and don’t want to listen to my ranting, please still consider donating to organizations who are going to need help or are going to provide help to the millions of women because 5 people decided we weren’t worth taking care of.


My Story

So, there is something I don’t take about often and that is the major health problem that came up last year. We were going about our day, and I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my lower right abdomen. I’m the type of person to shake off pain but I couldn’t handle it. After a long journey, we ended up in the emergency room and 9pm at night and I was barely able to stand.

Oh yea, and I was bleeding like crazy. After hours of testing, they could not tell what was wrong with me. But they did know my hormones were going crazy. I had pregnancy level hormones, but they could not find any traces of a fetus. Not even in the fallopian tubes, there wasn’t even signs of an ectopic pregnancy.

First thing in the morning, I was taken into surgery for the first time in my life. I went in blind, not knowing what was wrong with me but in too much pain to avoid it. I had to place my trust in the doctors. After I woke up, I was informed that I had an ovarian ectopic pregnancy. And I was over five weeks pregnant. I still have the pictures of my surgery (of my insides) and they haunt me.

One more week and my organs would have exploded and easily threatened my life. There was already a massive pool of blood accumulating in my body where it shouldn’t have been. It terrifies me to think that if that had happened now, I might have lost my life.

Not due to waiting too long but because someone I don’t know, who does not have any medical training, decided that I don’t deserve to live because a growth in my body is more important than me.

And some people might say you should have been safer but that doesn’t matter. It never should matter. You would never say that to someone who has been hit by a car. But because our society has decided that sex is a squeamish topic, we can blame a person for medical condition resulting from it. Yet sex is a natural part of life. All life.  

The Toll on life

I’m so sad that so many people are going to die as a result of this decision. There is not only the danger and risks that naturally come with pregnancy but the risks that now come with lack of access to safe abortions.

45% of all abortions in the world are unsafe. 99% of these occur in the developing world. Maybe the conservative side it trying to make the USA a developing country again.

This is just a reminder that when women who are faced with unwanted pregnancies face barriers to obtaining safe abortions, they often resort to unsafe abortions. Even the United Nations stands by the fact the access to abortion is human right. (Learn mor at https://www.who.int/health-topics/abortion)

let’s talk a little history

One thing that pisses me off the most is the whole argument that people should “just practice abstinence”. This stems from their religious beliefs. And then they say that “this is what the founding fathers would have wanted”. There were many reasons people immigrated to this country in the early 1600s but a big factor for them was religious freedom.

 They were being persecuted for their religion and decided that the hazardous trip to America was their only option. Because they didn’t want to be forced to follow the religion that others were imposing on them. There was no national religion. Some founding fathers argued for separation of church and state. Because religion is what they are running away from. But they wanted the ability to practice their own even when different from their neighbors.

Yet here we are. With the government saying we are a Christian country, and I am going to force my religious beliefs on you. Because fuck you and all you believe in. If it’s not what I believe in, you don’t matter. I was raised under two different religions. Growing up I went to church and temple which created my own relationship with religion.

Today? I am a major supporter of the Satanic Temple. Not because I worship Satan (although, hail Satan) but because they do amazing work to fight for my rights using the system against itself. And I love every part of it. (Learn more at https://thesatanictemple.com/)

the current hypocrisy

I watch a lot of late-night shows and I often see the hypocrisy of the those on the “right” side. I already hate it. They try to take the moral high ground by saying they lean right.

But why is the conservative side trying to roll back progress? What is the reason behind this? It’s not about life. It’s never been about life. There is a horrifying clip from John Oliver’s piece on Crisis Pregnancy Centers that shows how much these conservative people care about the baby until it is born. But after it’s born? Cut that fucker off because why on earth would we want to support people who need help?

They scream about the rights of the unborn child who is not actually a child or really even in existence past a bunch of cells that have begun to grow. But why would we care about the rights of women? They don’t need right over their own bodies. So, what if a child gets raped and impregnated. She is now a vehicle for childbirth.

If women are forced into childbirth (which, may I state, is a medical procedure which can result in death even if nothing goes wrong during the pregnancy), maybe men should be forced into getting vasectomies. That’s another thing, why are women always the ones who bear all of the responsibilities?  

So why are we restricting abortion rights? Is it for control? Is it some perverse pleasure? Or do they fundamentally think women are nothing more than vehicles for birthing more children? And why, WHY, does it never apply to them. They preach pro-life and then pretend to be shocked when people find out that they helped someone get an abortion. Okay for me, evil for thee.

what do the people want

The government is supposed to be “for the people, by the people”. But our system encourages a few to take control and do whatever they want. 61% of people are in favor of abortions? Get rid of it. 70% of people want gun control? Why would we ever do that?

There were 5 republicans who recently voted for common sense laws because they weren’t planning on being re-elected. Suddenly their morals exist again. And maybe that shows how our system is messed up. We need to do something to make the government for the people and by the people again.

Please contact your state legislative, your state attorney general, your senators, and your congressmen and tell them they need to step up. This is no longer about words and promises. It’s time for action. It’s time for them to fulfill all those things they promised.




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